It was recently reported that 55% of the UK’s children are obese. It is a problem and many reasons are given for this epidemic of flab – from junk food to too much time spent on computers with not enough excercise.

Fatties are a blight on today’s society – they smell and can’t walk up hills. They also emit large quantities of greenhouse gases that will eventually destroy our planet.

Fatties tend to follow a pattern of chocolate, kebabs and diet Coke.

Some fatties get depressed and have been known to end it all by jumping to their deaths. As pictured below when a local fattie stripped naked and leapt off Ponty Train Station to the hard ground below.

(Pictured – dead fat jumper on train station)

But some think big is beautiful and recently there was a Miss Bulge competition held to find the foxiest lard arse.

Can you imagine spitroasting one of these beauties!!!!!!

The Rhondda Rover is partial to the odd fat bird, especially after several pints so it is with the BIG IS BEAUTIFUL camp that we reside. Come on girls, have another cream cake, enjoy another pork pie and let’s get down and dirty…..


However a word of warning – fatties can be over sensative. For instance I was making love to a fattie last week and I decided to get on top. I only commented – ‘I can see my house from here….’

WORLD WAR III BROKE OUT. My bird rolled over suddenly, sending me crashing onto the floor from a great height, and then stormed out of the bedroom, actually jamming her arse in the door. She was so annoyed that she went downstairs and swallowed the fridge, contents, electrical lead and all.

I had to escape through the bedroom window for fear of getting eaten too as my fat lover consumed everything in a massive comfort eating binge. As soon as I heard the stair carpet going down her gullet that was enough for me.

PICTURED BELOW – My frantic escape

Ever since my fat friend has refused to talk to me and the possibility of more nights of wild abandon and fleshy frolics seem particularly remote..