CHAV – The word is bandied about in the press on an almost daily basis but does anyone really understand the meaning of the word? It’s not all Burberry and cheap larger. So here, as a public service, the Rhondda Rover looks at this species known as THE CHAV.

Chav (idioticus dickheadicus) is something of a modern phenomenon and evolved in the early years of the millenium. It seems that millions of years have taken the human being from ape to chav. A natural progresion that will eventually see us coming full circle and once again becoming simians.

The Chav, both male and female, are easily identified by their bizarre dress sense and lack of any grace whatsoever.

The Chav spends most of its time hanging around city centres where it partakes in the strange custom of bothering members of the public. They tend to scrounge cigarettes of passer’s by and the bolder ones will often ask for money for a coffee which usually means drugs. They take taxi cabs and then run after telling the driver to, F***K O**.

The Chav talks in a strange rap like fashion and uses words like awesome, wicked, well ard and sweet. On giro day the chav will hit the town and buy a three litre bottle of White Lightning and ten Lambert.  And get absolutely slaughtered. Chav’s often hang around shops like Cash Generator where they can sell or buy bling and stuff.

The Chav likes to inhale lighter fluid as, “Gives a good fucking Buzz, man!”

There are also middle aged Chavs – this one is sitting on the stairs waiting for the giro to come through the door. In his sparetime it likes to play xylaphone by taking its shirt off.

The chav likes to pour vodka or Stella into its girlfriend’s vagina and then slurp it out – They call this custom, MINGE DRINKING.

For protection during sex chavs usually use a bus shelter.

A chav in a white shell suit is probably the bride.

A chav in a suit is called the accused.

A Chav in a nice house is known as a burglar.

Two Chavs in a car without any music usually means the police are driving.

Chav’s are expert shoplifters and often hang around bus and train stations selling cheap purfume from Woolworth’s or CD’s with security stickers still attached.

So that’s the Chav – next time we take a look at the issue of obesity. This is an highly sensative issue and we will treat it with respect in our next post entitled, Those Fat Bastards.

Advertisements