£67.000 of tax payers money spent by myopic self centred council

£67.000 of tax payers money spent by myopic self centred council

£67.000 – that was the total amount of tax payers money spent by the council on these twin arches, one of which has already been vandelised with yellow paint, in Pontypridd’s Taff Street. The arches, made from stainless steel, and bearing the Welsh phrases Bwa I Boble a Bro which translates as, someone got a back hander stand in Taff Street each side of the hated pedestrianisation system.

RCT Council Cabinet Member Paul Cannon, speaking from his secret underwater lair beneath the raging waters of the River Taff where he plans to one day rule the world, said – ‘This is an incredible exciting project and clearly illustrates the gradual regeneration of Pontypridd.’

We, at the Rhondda Rover, have only one thing to say – F**k off you myopic, self centred, self publicity seeking, abuser of public funds.

This is the council plans to revive Ponty:

LARGE multi million pound carbuncle Pennant House at St. Catherine’s Corner which makes an already bad traffic situation worse.

No public toilets open at night – no wonder the Rhondda Rover saw two middle aged women pissing in the lift on Ponty Train station last Friday night. And only just missed a photo opportunity to embarrass these middle aged chavs on the world wide web.

The removal of the free paddling pool in Ynysangharad War memorial

That bloody Pedestrianisation Scheme which is popular with no one and causing a loss of business in the shops.

Allowing the once world famous market to become a sorry excuse for its former self. The council should be forcing the owners to spend some money and modernise this smelly damp market. One day it’ll be gone – mind you maybe that’s what the council want. Maybe long term plans are to stick a TESCO’s there.

Still at least these arches will still be there when all the shops have closed down – probably standing, gleaming, outside a load of boarded up buildings. Spending this much tax payers money on this when there are far more pressing problems in Ponty is outrageous. And the current council should be thrown from their seats and the public should be better consulted on the town. These sculptures were in planning lone before May when the pedestrianisation scheme should have been under review. Now it seems Taff Street is staying a pedestrian area –the council have brought this in by stealth.

The Pontypridd Observer claimed last week’s Rhydian concert was a raging success – were they there? It was a joke and Rhydian acted like a prima donna, refusing to sign autographs and cutting his set short. Mind you the PONTY OBSERVER is shite these days. It should be challenging the council with every move they make but instead it is content to be an AD RAG with the only passionate page being the letters page in which, people, do get a chance to rant.

BUT back to that £67.000 – what better use that could have been put to. The council reckon they are skint and are pushing for another Council Tax Hike. We need to be told how many artists tendered for these arches and who was the imbecile who thought £67.000 was a proper amount to spend on this joke. You can’t even walk through them.

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It was recently reported that 55% of the UK’s children are obese. It is a problem and many reasons are given for this epidemic of flab – from junk food to too much time spent on computers with not enough excercise.

Fatties are a blight on today’s society – they smell and can’t walk up hills. They also emit large quantities of greenhouse gases that will eventually destroy our planet.

Fatties tend to follow a pattern of chocolate, kebabs and diet Coke.

Some fatties get depressed and have been known to end it all by jumping to their deaths. As pictured below when a local fattie stripped naked and leapt off Ponty Train Station to the hard ground below.

(Pictured – dead fat jumper on train station)

But some think big is beautiful and recently there was a Miss Bulge competition held to find the foxiest lard arse.

Can you imagine spitroasting one of these beauties!!!!!!

The Rhondda Rover is partial to the odd fat bird, especially after several pints so it is with the BIG IS BEAUTIFUL camp that we reside. Come on girls, have another cream cake, enjoy another pork pie and let’s get down and dirty…..

PICTURED – A FATTIE ENJOYS THE SUNSHINE IN Ponty Park.

However a word of warning – fatties can be over sensative. For instance I was making love to a fattie last week and I decided to get on top. I only commented – ‘I can see my house from here….’

WORLD WAR III BROKE OUT. My bird rolled over suddenly, sending me crashing onto the floor from a great height, and then stormed out of the bedroom, actually jamming her arse in the door. She was so annoyed that she went downstairs and swallowed the fridge, contents, electrical lead and all.

I had to escape through the bedroom window for fear of getting eaten too as my fat lover consumed everything in a massive comfort eating binge. As soon as I heard the stair carpet going down her gullet that was enough for me.

PICTURED BELOW – My frantic escape

Ever since my fat friend has refused to talk to me and the possibility of more nights of wild abandon and fleshy frolics seem particularly remote..

X-FACTOR runner up Rhydian – he of the slightly scary looks and operatic voice -performed at Ponty Park last night and left punters shocked and dissapointed. He cut his act short because of problems with backing tapes and then refused to sign anything for fans. He, in best prima donna fashion , rushed off afterwards to his batcave to worship his Simon Cowell effigy. Good jobs the tickets were free or I’d want my money back.

That bird who had a hit years ago with ‘I wanna be a punk rocker’  was brilliant and signed my naked chest with scarlet lipstick. I became so aroused I had to nip behind the pavilion to bang one off handwise.

All the local bands glowed with talent. It’s these guys, who will pay their dues by gigging, gigging and more gigging that will have a long term future. Troll faced tits who go on an exploitative TV shows and then don’t even win will become Barry Manilow tribute acts.

RCT council have excelled again. Remember the three piece story a few weeks ago. Well get this one – guy in Church Village phones RCT to have a three piece collected. He is told that they can only take two items at a time and the other chair will be picked up a fortnight later. He complains saying , a chair in the garden, battered by rain, will rot but is told it is council rules of only two items. He then moans even further and is told by the guy on the phone to give the collection guys a tenna on the sly and they’ll probably take the extra chair.

The guy tells RCT to piss off, saying he pays the council tax and now they tell him this.

(PICTURED LEFT) Pontypridd cabbies look forward to their civil ceremony to be held this August. The ceremony will be a lavish affair and afterwards the happy couple plan to jet over to San Fransisco for a month long honeymoon.

‘I’ll be walking like John Wayne after that.’ Said the feminine one.

Workers at RCT council have just completed a two day strike and more wildcat strikes are promised if they don’t get their wishes of the working day being 10% official tea breaks rather than the 4% currently allowed.

Mr Ima Lazybastard who works at Pontypridd’s Market Street council offices said, ‘Bosses are being unfair. We’ve have had the same time allowed for tea breaks since the 1970’s. Our tea breaks should go with inflation and the 10% we are asking is not unfair.’

Council bosses pointed out, ‘It is actually 5% quicker to make tea than it was in the 1970’s because the modern kettle is a technological marvel and actually taking that into account the 4% we currently allow for official tea breaks is more than enough,’ Said Council Boss, Dafydd Dewdrop. ‘In fact,’ he added. ‘The lazy bastards take loads of unofficial breaks as it is.’

Strikers hit back saying, ‘Mugs are much bigger now so our tea breaks are dwindling. It takes at least 9% longer to drink a mug these days and biscuit chewing time all cuts into our scant allocated time.’

(PICTURED ABOVE – PONTY CHAVS DISCUSS FISCAL POLICIES AND GORDON’S BROWN’S NO WASTE SPEECH WHILE THEY WAIT FOR THE DSS TO OPEN)

Council workers enjoyed the strike with workmen being allowed to bring deck chairs, books and Ipods onto the picket lines. The one downside was the the weather was crap but the next strike is to be coordinated with the met office to ensure a pleasing day.’

Also in Pontypridd this week Rhydian will bring his Des O’conner tribute act to the park in order to please his many taste bereft fans. Expect an invasion of middle aged bimbos and woolie cardigans as the man who almost had the X factor brings the bimbos to the heights of sexual frenzy. Tom Jones might as well remove the carrot from his leather pants because the future belongs to Rhydian. The tickets have all been snapped up – mind you they were FREE.

BELOW: The Rhondda Rover has secured photographic proof that global warming is very real.

The Rhondda by-pass as seen from Wattstown.

Talbot Green’s flamboyant councillor, Paul Baccara has hit out at the government policy of closing post offices when by the strict rules of his position he should have declared a conflict of interest and shut up. Don’t forget he is the postmaster at Talbot Green as well as local councillor so maybe he should stop supporting self serving issues  and get down to some serious councilling. Maybe sort out the New Park estate which is fast turning into a no go area.

What Johnny Cash would say to the councillor were he around to do so.

South Wales man, David Parker has said he has found true happiness after leaving his wife and setting up a lovenest in a Swansea bedsit with his sheep, Nick Boing.

Pictured above – the happy couple.

‘I should have seen this coming,’ said David’s long suffering wife. ‘His interest in the sheep was unhealthy and recently a WALES ON SUNDAY article told how David allowed the sheep to stay in our bed. Years ago there was talk of David and the ducks in the park pond but I thought it was rubbish. Now I’m not so sure.’

David hit back saying, ‘I know the anguish I must have caused but you can’t help who you fall in love with. I am planning on a civil ceremony. If gays can do it then why not bestiality’ists? You show me where it says a man can’t marry a sheep. I’m Welsh for goodness sake so by falling in love with my sheep it is not as if I’ve set a precident.’

It’s a safe bet Nick Boing and David will not be having lamb at their wedding dinner.

We at, The Rhondda Rover, wish the happy couple all the best.

a rosey future for nick boing as the new Mrs Palmer

a rosey future for nick boing as the new Mrs Parker......

President Norman Brown

July 9, 2008

Ever wondered how the rest of the world sees the UK? Well the following is a transcript of a conversation that acrually took place on a USA radio station, between a disc jockey and the station’s UK correspondent:

 
"Good morning America, how are you? This is your favourite son, Chad.
 
The President of Englandland, Norman Brown, is arriving in our nation's
capital this afternoon to meet with President Bush. But just who is this
guy? Let's cross to our special correspondent Brit in London."
 
 
"Hey, Chad As you can see, I'm standing in the world-famous Trafalgar
Circus, with the House of Fayed directly behind me."
 
 
"So what can you tell us about Norman Brown?"
 
"Well, Chad, he has been President for some nine months now. He used to
be Chancellor."
 
"What, you mean he's, like, German?"
 
"No, that's what they call their Treasury Secretary over here."
 
"And is he a Conservative, like President Tony Blair?"
 
"No, Chad. He's Labour. President Blair wasn't a Conservative,
either.
He only pretended to be."
 
"So how did Brown get the job?"
 
"He just kept shouting at President Blair until he stood down."
 
"But he won an election, right?"
 
"No, Chad, there wasn't an election. He did think about calling one,
but
decided against it because he was frightened he might lose."
 
 
"How can you change Presidents without having an election? I mean,
it's not like President Blair was assassinated."
 
 
"That's just the way it works in Englandland. The leader of the party
with the most seats in the House of Lords gets to be President."
 
"So Norman Brown was elected leader of the Labour Party?"
 
"Negative, again, Chad. He did raise money and have a leadership
campaign, but no one stood against him."
 
"What, nobody? No primaries, no general election, nothing?"
 
"Affirmative, Chad."
 
"Let me get this straight. His party hasn't elected him, the country
hasn't elected him, yet he still gets to be President. Sounds like a
tinpot Commie dictatorship to me."
 
"You could say that, Chad. Norman Brown doesn't really like anyone
being given the chance to vote on anything."
 
"Someone must have voted for him, some time."
 
"Oh, yes. He was elected to the House of Lords by his constituents in
Scotlandland."
 
"He's Scoddish, then?"
 
"That's a big Ten-Four, Chad."
 
"So is he President of Scotlandland, too?"
 
"No, that's a guy called Alan Salmon."
 
"Hang on, if Brown's from Scotlandland, how can he be President of
Englandland?"
 
"That's just the way it goes in this crazy country, Chad.  Brown can
make laws for Englandland, but not for his own people in Scotlandland.
 
 
Not that it matters much because Brown has signed away most of
Englandland's lawmaking powers to unelected European bureaucrats in
Brussels, Belgiumland."
 
 
"That would be like stripping Congress of the power to make laws in
America and handing it over to Mexico."
 
"I guess so."
 
"How in the Hell did the people of Englandland vote for that?"
 
"They didn't.  Brown wouldn't let them, even though it was a
solemn
promise in his party's manifesto the last time people were allowed to
vote."
 
 
"Couldn't the Supreme Court have stopped him?"
 
"Not really. The Supreme Court of Englandland is now in Strasbourg,
where the geese come from."
 
"Isn't there any opposition?"
 
"There's a guy called Boris who is president of London."
 
"Sounds Russian."
 
"I wouldn't be surprised, Chad. There are millions of Eastern
Europeans
living here now, mainly in Peterburl. Englandland has seen mass
immigration over the past ten years, but no one voted for that, either."
 
 
 
"What in the name of Ulysses S. Grant is going on over there, Brit?
We're talking about the country which gave us Magna Carta, saw off the
Armada, stood alone against Hitler and invented parliamentary democracy.
How does Norman Brown get away with it? He must be a popular guy."
 
 
"Far from it, Chad. According to the latest opinion polls, he's the
most unpopular President ever. His approval ratings are even worse than
George Dubya Bush. There's talk about him having to stand down soon.
He's already promised the job to some guy who works for him - name of Ed
Balls."
 
 
"Say again, Brit, you're breaking up."
 
"BALLS!"
 
"You're damn right there, buddy."

VALLEYS POETRY

July 6, 2008

I’ve done something bad, something hot

Now I’ve got to wait 42 days to find out what..

………………………………………………………………

Pontypridd, once noble town

Now has slipped its proudly held crown

Even the shoplifters are drifting away

Nothing to filch, can’t earn today

……………………………………………………………………

Picture taken on Mumbles Beach, Swansea – JUne 2008. This area was often walked by Dylan Thomas.

Pontypridd’s Forest pub is to hold an Elvis impersonator night this July with the winner, the act voted most like Elvis, will be flown to Memphis for a month’s paid holiday and also cut a record at the original Sun records studio where the king was discovered. The event is to be jointly sponsored by Burgarking and Macdonalds and should help to bring high quality entertainment into Pontypridd. Unconfirmed as of yet but it is highly expected that TV’s Simon Cowell and Shaking Stevens will be judges on the big night.

‘Elvis will live forever,’ said Steve (pictured) of Stevo’s Taxi’s, twice winner of Porthcawl’s annual Elvis festival. ‘I’ve been doing the king since I was three years old and would love to finally visit Graceland. It’s always been a dream of mine.’

Tickets are available from The Forest on Wood Road now and all monies raised will go to charity.

Rock on Pontypridd.

A survey published by RCT’s Quango Department has revealed that the public think 98% of surveys are a waste of both time and money. The survey is to be published in the 2008 RCT’s glossy booklet that no-one bothers to read.